The language of adoption has changed as practices have changed.  Adoption is a process, not a label.  When speaking about adoption, it is important to use accurate and neutral adoption language.  Certain terms have the effect of closing doors and serving as barriers to having an open discussion about adoption. 

Review the chart below.  Which of these terms have you heard used?  Are there terms that you have used yourself? 

 

Negative term

Neutral term

Rationale

 

Adopt out, give away, put up for adoption

 

Make an adoption plan, choose adoption

“Make an adoption plan” conveys that adoption is a decision that has been thought through.  “Adopt out, give away, put up for adoption” conveys that the event is done casually or without thought.  It also conveys the belief that the child is an object.

Keep the baby

Chose to parent her child, made a parenting plan.

Keeping the baby denotes a passive decision-making process.  Parenting indicates that raising a child is an active process.

Keep and give away things not people.

Denotes that child will always be a baby; not a lifelong decision.

Real parent, natural parent

 

Birth parent, biological parent

“Real parent” conveys that adoptive parents are not real, natural or entitled to parent.  “Birthparent” is an accurate description of the relationship between a child and the person who gave birth to them.

Not their own child

Adopted person, adoptee, came to their family through adoption

By differentiating own versus adopted, the speaker invalidates the adoptive relationship.

Illegitimate

Born to unmarried or single parents.

Illegitimate has a lot of negative connotations.  Is the person illegal, fake, or not real?     

Birth parent

Expectant Parent

Use “expectant parent” until expecting parent chooses adoption; “birth parent” implies that the parent has already chosen the adoption option