WEBVTT

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(melancholic music)

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<v Nurse>Julie Whitman?</v>

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<v ->You guys be good for grandma, okay?</v>

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(child crying)

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<v ->Hi, Julie,</v>

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how are you feeling?
<v ->Hi.</v>

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Ah, pretty good.

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<v ->You're looking a little tired,</v>

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how have you been sleeping?

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<v ->I sleep when I can.</v>

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<v ->Oh, are those your two little cuties</v>

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out there I saw?

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->Ah, they're beautiful children.</v>

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Very well-behaved too.

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<v ->Thank you.</v>

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<v ->Come on, let's get you up on the scale.</v>

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So, who helps you take care of the kids?

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<v ->My grandma.</v>

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That's where we live.

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She watches them when I'm at school.

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<v ->Oh, all right, that helps.</v>

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All right.

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Ooh, that's less than a pound since last month.

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You having trouble keeping down your food?

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<v ->Nope, I just get full really fast.</v>

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<v ->Hmm, well, you might wanna try</v>

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having six small meals instead

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of having three large.

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<v ->I don't have time for six meals a day.</v>

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<v ->Julie.</v>

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Sleeping and eating,

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you know, those are two biggies

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when you're pregnant.

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<v ->I know.</v>

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I just can't always,

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you know, fit it in.

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<v ->Yeah, well, what gets in the way?</v>

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<v ->My life.</v>

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Benji, my 13-month-old,

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he had this awful ear infection

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that kept him up screaming at night

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for like three weeks.

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He's just getting over it now.

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And I had midterms last week,

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plus I have to make up two credits

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if I don't wanna be dropped from my work study.

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And now I have to find a place to live

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before the baby comes.

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So, you know,

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there's a lot going on.

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<v ->Yeah, it does sound kinda overwhelming.</v>

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<v ->No, we're fine.</v>

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<v ->Those early encounters need to be so welcoming</v>

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and so tender,

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no matter what that exterior is all about,

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you can be sure that there's a tenderness there

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and a great vulnerability.

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And what an important thing

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for us to welcome them,

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and to really be accommodating.

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Welcome is such a good word,

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that you're welcome here.

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And we're glad you came by,

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and we sure hope we can be helpful.

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<v ->Well, it sounds like you got a lot on your plate.</v>

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<v ->Tell me about it.</v>

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<v ->Now, tell me about it.</v>

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What's the hardest thing for you right now?

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Just pick one thing.

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<v ->Not smoking.</v>

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<v ->Really!</v>

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<v ->I would kill for a cigarette.</v>

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I quit the day I found out, you know?

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<v ->Julie, I am so proud of you.</v>

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<v ->Why?</v>

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<v ->Quitting smoking to protect your unborn baby?</v>

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That's the most important thing you can do,

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not to mention the benefit it'll have

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to your other kids.

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And with all you got going on,

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that tells me a lot about you.

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<v ->I think nurses and nurse midwives</v>

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can have a tremendous impact on women that they serve

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because they are...

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open-minded,

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they're listening,

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they're making a woman feel that she is important,

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that she is smart,

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and she can make good decisions.

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And they're giving her that encouragement and support,

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and the information she needs

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to be able to do that.

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<v ->Because I think that a mother that is going</v>

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to the healthcare providers for medical attention,

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it's not only for herself,

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but for her child,

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and whether she decides to adopt or not,

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that she's going because of what's in the best interest

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of that baby,

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the person she's carrying.

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<v ->And I think that they come to us</v>

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not only to get the pregnancy test,

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but to get some sort of guidance.

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And most women are asking

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and they may not say it,

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but they're asking,

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and that's why I say,

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listen to women because it'll come.

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<v ->Now, what about your living situation?</v>

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You mentioned having to find somewhere else to live.

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<v ->It's all messed up.</v>

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My grandma says she can't handle anymore.

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She just won't.

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She already has my aunt's two kids 24/7,

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and it doesn't look like

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that situation's gonna change anytime soon.

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Plus my two,

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she says that's her limit.

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I don't get it.

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What's one more kid?

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<v ->Hmm.</v>

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So, if you guys aren't gonna live at your grandma's,

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where are you and the kids gonna live

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after you have the baby?

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<v ->I don't have a clue.</v>

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<v ->Are there any other family members</v>

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who can help you out?

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What about your parents?

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<v ->You don't even wanna go there.</v>

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<v ->If there isn't a lot of support in the family,</v>

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the care for the child would fall heavily

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on the young woman.

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So, that would be one red flag

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that would go off.

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Another one too

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is we ask them how they feel

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about their pregnancy.

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So, that's another place

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where we can get some insight

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into what's going on with them.

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<v ->So, how do you feel about the pregnancy?</v>

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<v ->Well, my boyfriend Gary's all excited about it.</v>

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It's his first.

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<v ->Oh, do you guys plan on raising the baby together?</v>

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<v ->Gary's so nice,</v>

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but he's so clueless.

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He's all, cool, I've always wanted a baby,

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like it's a puppy.

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<v ->Well, what kind of relationship does he have</v>

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with the other kids?

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<v ->Oh, he loves to play with them.</v>

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But when it comes to the real work,

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forget it.

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Here's a perfect example of Gary.

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So, last week I had my midterms

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and Benji had that ear infection,

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and my grandma had to take my aunt to traffic court.

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So, I'm like, Gary,

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you have to watch the kids for two hours.

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And he's like,

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oh, sorry, my dad and I have to go hunting,

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like, if they wait one day,

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there won't be any more deer.

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This guy is 26 going on seven.

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That's why I love him.

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But when he comes over,

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it's like, great,

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now I have three kids to take care of.

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<v ->So, does this mean you don't see yourself</v>

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raising a family with him?

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<v ->Not if he doesn't grow up.</v>

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<v ->Hm, let's get your temperature.</v>

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<v ->Sometimes the father of the baby</v>

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wants them to have the baby.

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And that's an important factor too,

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because a lot of times,

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they don't want to lose that relationship

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with the father of the baby.

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And if they do give up the child,

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they'd be giving it up to the father of the baby.

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Who then if she doesn't wanna raise it with him,

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that could cause a lot of conflict in the relationship.

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<v ->Well, I'm still wondering</v>

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how you feel about the pregnancy.

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<v ->Just bad luck, I guess.</v>

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I already have my hands full

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with the other two,

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and I just have to finish school,

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I have to.

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<v ->Well, what would that mean to you</v>

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to finish school?

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<v ->Everything.</v>

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It's all I have going for me right now.

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You see, a lot of people think I'm nothing,

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but they don't know me.

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I have plans.

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I'm not dumb!

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I'm training to be a dental assistant,

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which starts at like 9.75 an hour.

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(sighs)

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I just have to finish school and get my work study.

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<v ->Well, how do you think having this baby</v>

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is gonna affect your plans?

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<v Julie>I don't know.</v>

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<v ->Oh,</v>

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oh, honey, I'm sorry.
<v ->Many of the mothers</v>

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that we work with

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already have two or three children,

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and they're still young.

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They've decided that they're going to

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finish their education

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or get some training.

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Quite frankly, they don't wanna be

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in the welfare system.

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They've maybe been there

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and found that it hasn't worked.

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And they're able to, again

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they have the life experience to know

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that raising a child is 24 hours a day,

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seven days a week.

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It's hard work.

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There's a lot of joy,

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there's also a lot of challenges.

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And so, they will have other things

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that they need to focus on in their lives.

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<v ->Sorry, I'm okay.</v>

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<v ->There you go.</v>

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I know you're just exhausted and overwhelmed.

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<v ->No, I am fine.</v>

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<v ->Aww.</v>

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Well, Julie, have you thought about your options?

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(Julie sniffling)

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<v ->Yeah.</v>

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<v ->I mean, do you realize you do have options?</v>

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<v ->Gary would never forgive me if I had an abortion.</v>

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<v ->Well, have you ever thought about adoption?</v>

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<v ->And he would kill me if I gave our baby away.</v>

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<v ->It's often a lonely decision.</v>

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They may be in a pure culture

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that discourages the adoption choice.

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They might run into discouragement

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from their extended family.

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There's this pressure,

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there's this notion

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that moms and kids need to stay together,

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come hell or high water,

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that it's a bond that cannot ever be broken,

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even if it means that we continue on

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in a destructive, unpromising mode.

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So, it takes someone who can really reach deep

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and understand love in a different way,

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that occasionally love means stepping back.

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And it's a form of love

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that none of us are really too excited about.

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(playful music)

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<v ->Aww, look at the baby!</v>

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<v ->Gary, cut it out.</v>

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I need to study.

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<v ->Who's your daddy?</v>

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<v ->Gary!</v>

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<v TV Driver>I've been there as an unexperienced driver</v>

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and you do get behind.

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<v TV Announcer>And he has dropped back</v>

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in his fifth place at this point in the competition,

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and Moran won't be happy with that,

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especially with that good first run.

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<v TV Narrator>ISE is America's largest,</v>

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inventive service firm.

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Call now and learn how to submit your idea

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to companies to ISE.

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<v ->I need to talk to you about something.</v>

273
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<v ->Yeah, Jules?</v>

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<v ->I've been thinking more and more</v>

275
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about making an adoption plan.

276
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<v ->The hell is that supposed to mean?</v>

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An adoption plan?

278
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<v ->I have been thinking</v>

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about putting my baby up for adoption.

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<v ->Your baby?</v>

281
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What are you talking about, your baby?

282
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It's not just your baby, Julie.

283
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We're not giving away our kid,

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not an option.

285
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<v ->You just don't get it.</v>

286
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You just want what you want.

287
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If I don't finish school and get my certificate,

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the best I'm looking at is a welfare check.

289
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I can do better than that.

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My kids need something they can count on.

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<v ->Your kids.</v>

292
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You know, it's always your kids.

293
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You kept their two kids,

294
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but you won't keep mine?

295
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Why do you love my kid less

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than you love your other kids?

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<v ->It has nothing to do with love.</v>

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You don't even know what you're talking about.

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<v ->I can't believe you're being so selfish.</v>

300
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<v ->I'm being selfish?</v>

301
00:10:50.450 --> 00:10:53.263
You're the one who's being selfish!

302
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It's because I do love the baby

303
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that I want something better for it.

304
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You should too.

305
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<v ->Who got to you?</v>

306
00:11:04.872 --> 00:11:06.810
Did some social worker get to you?

307
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Some lawyer?

308
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<v ->No!</v>

309
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<v ->I'm coming to your next appointment.</v>

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<v ->Fine.</v>

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Come.

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<v TV Narrator>Fantastic hour of razor-sharp action.</v>

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(audience cheering and clapping)

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<v ->Julie Whitman?</v>

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Hi.

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<v ->Hi,</v>

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this is Gary.

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Can he come in?

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<v ->Of course.</v>

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<v ->Yeah, well, I'm coming in.</v>

321
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There's nothing I shouldn't see or hear

322
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when it comes to my baby.

323
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Fathers have rights.

324
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Have you ever heard of that?

325
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<v ->Absolutely.</v>

326
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You come right on in.

327
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<v ->Shut up.</v>

328
00:11:50.100 --> 00:11:52.110
She's the one who said you had a right

329
00:11:52.110 --> 00:11:53.440
to be in on the decision.

330
00:11:53.440 --> 00:11:54.853
It's not her fault.

331
00:11:55.720 --> 00:11:59.530
Thanks a lot for having me talk to Gary about adoption.

332
00:11:59.530 --> 00:12:01.230
Went over real big.

333
00:12:01.230 --> 00:12:02.530
I'm in a bad situation,

334
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about a hundred times worse.

335
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<v ->I wanna know who you think you are</v>

336
00:12:10.230 --> 00:12:11.600
feeding my girlfriend ideas

337
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about giving away my baby.

338
00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:15.260
This is none of your business.

339
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This is family business.

340
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<v ->Oh my God.</v>

341
00:12:17.970 --> 00:12:21.080
All she did was give me a pamphlet to read.

342
00:12:21.080 --> 00:12:22.260
Geez!

343
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<v ->Look, I can't blame either one of you for being angry.</v>

344
00:12:24.640 --> 00:12:26.560
I mean, I can't even imagine what it is

345
00:12:26.560 --> 00:12:28.930
you're both going through right now,

346
00:12:28.930 --> 00:12:30.960
but what do you think would make it better?

347
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<v ->I want her to stop threatening to give away our baby.</v>

348
00:12:33.330 --> 00:12:34.380
Don't you see?

349
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This would be taking the easy way out.

350
00:12:35.970 --> 00:12:38.463
<v ->You think this is easy for me?</v>

351
00:12:39.370 --> 00:12:42.490
<v ->Oh, easy is the last thing I think it is.</v>

352
00:12:42.490 --> 00:12:44.280
This is probably the hardest decision

353
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you will ever have to make.

354
00:12:46.900 --> 00:12:49.080
And whatever decision you do make,

355
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it is gonna be hard,

356
00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:52.453
and it's gonna hurt.

357
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<v ->That sucks!</v>

358
00:12:57.010 --> 00:12:58.650
<v ->The reality of adoption</v>

359
00:12:58.650 --> 00:13:01.210
has to take into account the reality of loss,

360
00:13:01.210 --> 00:13:03.120
or it's just a house of cards.

361
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The best of service providers

362
00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:07.190
does not flinch from the pain,

363
00:13:07.190 --> 00:13:09.010
but they really look it in the eye,

364
00:13:09.010 --> 00:13:09.990
and they hang in there with it,

365
00:13:09.990 --> 00:13:11.540
and say, yeah, whoa, boy,

366
00:13:11.540 --> 00:13:12.590
this is pretty tough.

367
00:13:13.607 --> 00:13:15.958
<v ->I don't wanna hurt you, Gary.</v>

368
00:13:15.958 --> 00:13:19.053
I just don't think I can handle another kid right now.

369
00:13:21.870 --> 00:13:23.740
<v ->This is your fault.</v>

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00:13:23.740 --> 00:13:25.090
<v ->I know it feels that way.</v>

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00:13:25.090 --> 00:13:26.600
I mean, I'm the one telling you everything

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00:13:26.600 --> 00:13:27.750
you don't want to hear,

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00:13:28.670 --> 00:13:31.070
but it is important that you and Julie

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00:13:31.070 --> 00:13:32.930
both know your options,

375
00:13:32.930 --> 00:13:34.760
all your options,

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00:13:34.760 --> 00:13:36.963
even the ones you decide won't work for you.

377
00:13:38.760 --> 00:13:40.730
I want you to take this and read it.

378
00:13:40.730 --> 00:13:42.210
There's some really good choices in-

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00:13:42.210 --> 00:13:43.560
<v ->Basically, I want them to know</v>

380
00:13:43.560 --> 00:13:46.430
that adoption is an option

381
00:13:46.430 --> 00:13:48.680 line:15% 
for a lot of people.

382
00:13:48.680 --> 00:13:52.100 line:15% 
That it is a positive thing.

383
00:13:52.100 --> 00:13:54.480 line:15% 
It is not for everyone,

384
00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:56.430 line:15% 
but it is a positive thing,

385
00:13:56.430 --> 00:13:58.840
and it is often the right thing

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00:13:58.840 --> 00:13:59.970
for a lot of people.

387
00:13:59.970 --> 00:14:01.550
<v ->But to be very open and say,</v>

388
00:14:01.550 --> 00:14:03.040
what are you thinking about?

389
00:14:03.040 --> 00:14:05.000
And I'd like to give you these options

390
00:14:05.000 --> 00:14:06.840
so that you just can go

391
00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:07.730
and think about them.

392
00:14:07.730 --> 00:14:09.180
<v ->We can't say to the person</v>

393
00:14:09.180 --> 00:14:10.880
that their needs aren't important too.

394
00:14:10.880 --> 00:14:12.260
Their needs are important

395
00:14:12.260 --> 00:14:14.410
and the child's needs are important.

396
00:14:14.410 --> 00:14:16.340
And adoption

397
00:14:18.850 --> 00:14:21.520
is a way to allow a young parent

398
00:14:21.520 --> 00:14:24.420
to be a part of planning for their child.

399
00:14:24.420 --> 00:14:26.240
<v ->Listen to women.</v>

400
00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:28.080
And I do that as a nurse midwife,

401
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:29.940
and I do that as a nurse.

402
00:14:29.940 --> 00:14:31.700
And I listen to men too,

403
00:14:31.700 --> 00:14:32.910
and I listen to children,

404
00:14:32.910 --> 00:14:35.740
and I think that a key, key thing

405
00:14:35.740 --> 00:14:38.590
is us listening,

406
00:14:38.590 --> 00:14:42.210
and then providing encouragement,

407
00:14:42.210 --> 00:14:45.300
reassurance, comfort, support.

408
00:14:45.300 --> 00:14:47.903
It's about listening to people,

409
00:14:48.850 --> 00:14:50.260
not being coercive,

410
00:14:50.260 --> 00:14:52.430
not telling them what they need to do,

411
00:14:52.430 --> 00:14:54.030
but just listening,

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00:14:54.030 --> 00:14:56.150
hearing what they say,

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00:14:56.150 --> 00:14:57.370
reflecting it back to them

414
00:14:57.370 --> 00:14:59.790
to help them also hear what they've said.

415
00:14:59.790 --> 00:15:02.800
<v ->Many people don't know</v>

416
00:15:02.800 --> 00:15:05.710
what doors are out there to be opened.

417
00:15:05.710 --> 00:15:07.700
They don't know what choices are there,

418
00:15:07.700 --> 00:15:09.153
what options are there.

419
00:15:10.280 --> 00:15:12.890
And that's what we can do for folks,

420
00:15:12.890 --> 00:15:15.920
is by offering all that,

421
00:15:15.920 --> 00:15:18.050
by providing the education

422
00:15:18.050 --> 00:15:20.610
as to what choices are there.

423
00:15:20.610 --> 00:15:23.520
They then can be supported

424
00:15:23.520 --> 00:15:26.263 line:15% 
to be able to make their own decisions.